Tag Archives: lovestruck

The Only Man Who Truly Loves You

 muslim husband

A candid guest post by newly-wed writer, Imratul Ozair.

“The whole notion of modern day lovveee is overrated, unrealistic and superficial!” declared the handsome new mehram in my life – my husband.  I nodded in approval.

We, under an influence of media and peer pressure, have confined the idea of sincere love between opposite genders to: meeting once a while, shopping together, going on secret outings, spending the night chatting with him/her.

Once you are married to an incredibly loving and lovable spouse, once you have cherished the true physical, emotional and mental companionship with him/her, you realize that the actual definition of love is way beyond these trivial and stupid definitions that you had crafted before.  You realize how shallow and fickle all the other manifestations of ‘love’ are.

Love lies in seeing your spouse genuinely smile for you; it is in the daily cooking and cleaning for your husband; it is in leaving your family to come over and stay with him; it is in the toil and effort he puts throughout the day to be able to make enough money for you; it is in the small gifts and surprises that he carefully plans for you joy; it is in knowing that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala is pleased with all this; it is in knowing that it is all pure and Halal.

As for having covert relations with the opposite sex- it is merely a deception.  It is impure and Haram by its very nature.  How many times in order to pursue such relations do we have to lie to our parents while going out, cheat our families about receiving their calls or while replying to their text messages?  We can deceive our families but can we deceive the All Knowing – Al-Aleem?  How many times do we have to put our own conscience to sleep before we can ‘enjoy’ such relations?  Is it that in an attempt to deceive others, we ourselves are actually being deceived?

Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala has created everything for a reason and purpose; the attraction for the opposite gender is placed in us so that the next generation can be brought up.  To rightfully fulfill this desire, He has created Nikah – a sacred union.  He says:

“And it is among His signs that He has created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquility in them, and He has created love and affection between you.  Surely, in this there are signs for a people who reflect.” (Ar-Rum : 21)

Man and woman have been created to be the natural counterparts of each other, they are natural companions.  Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala has destined that they will find comfort and repose with one another via Nikah.  How can we find the sukoon (tranquility) elsewhere, other than where Allah has placed it?

Read the ayah carefully again.  It is in marrying that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala Himself places the love and affection amongst the spouses! While everything in any relationship other than Nikah is a sin; in Nikah, even when you smile or put on perfume for your spouse you get rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala!

Honestly, sisters, the only man who truly loves you is the one who honors you by giving you his name publicly in Nikah, who takes your responsibility and accepts you through the covenant of Allah, who saves you from sins by giving you his protection.

So, in order to find true love, honor and blessings, ditch all the boyfriend/girlfriend nonsense.  Find a spouse, get married.  Until then, stay patient, ace the test.  Rest assured: Allah is watching!

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Ramblings of a Closet Feminist

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By Mariam Riaz

All of us reach a certain point in our lives when directly, or indirectly, pressure is exerted on us to “settle down”. I have nothing against the institute of marriage, for indeed, it is a sacred Sunnah. However, I do have some scores to settle with our twisted society regarding what this institution has become. Some may think that I’m confused between being a closet feminist and a “fundo” (pet word for fundamentalists or extremists, if you please). However, when you start your post wondering what people would think, you know something is wrong, somewhere! This goes on to show exactly what our society has reduced women to being.

When your purpose in life is reduced to just one thing – marriage – that’s all your life starts revolving around. It doesn’t matter how many books you have read, or how much you have learned from life in general, at some point the main concern of our lives as Pakistani women seems to be acceptance. How many times have you come across statements like,

“If you become too career-oriented, no one will marry you”,

“Dress modestly; men don’t like women who are too bold in their dressing”,

“Don’t be so dowdy; educated men prefer smartly dressed women.”

As I write this, the marquee next door reverberates with Bollywood beats accompanied by sounds of cheers – obvious signs of a wedding. It makes one wonder whether it is really worthwhile to spend one’s life savings on a circus show without giving deeper thought to the actual union between the two people? Is the marriage just an outcome of society’s expectations from a conventionally brought up woman who is so heady with the excitement of the wedding that she prefers not to think about what follows? Or is it the union between two souls that share the same purpose in life, and see marriage as a source of support as opposed to the only source of happiness? Don’t take me wrong; I’ve seen some examples of the latter as well, but they are as rare as unconventionally brought up women.

While we’re on the subject of our purpose in life, how is an intelligent woman, who is capable of doing so much greater good not only for this world, but for her Hereafter as well, supposed to achieve just that if all she is spending her energies doing is fitting into a mould that she does not belong to? While she is so busy conforming to society’s expected version of an ideal candidate for marriage, how will she grow herself in knowledge and benefit others from it?

As I hear heart-breaking tales of women being rejected on issues as trivial as the length of their nose, it makes one realise how much thought and effort needs to be put into bringing back the essence of this beautiful institution!

The Barakahs of Islamic Injunctions

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By Mohammad Ali

I remember a married couple who attended my wedding. I remember hearing the wife complaining to her husband that he did not compliment her despite the fact that she had spent so much time adorning herself. This is not just the story of one couple, but it is a occurence and cause for friction between couples. Wives complain that their husbands get bored of them or don’t like them anymore.

I don’t know how this happens. I can’t give an exact reason but there is one thing that I can tell. The benefits of following Islamic injunctions are immense, and only a person who acts on them can see the fruits. Imagine a man, controlling his desire, lowering his gaze, abstaining from intermingling and sitting with non-mehrams, abstaining from chatting, gossiping and joking with non-mehrams. Imagine when such a person gets married. When this man, who has waited patiently for a fulfilling gaze on this one woman, looks at his wife and when he sits with her, and talks to her; who can explain the incredible emotions that this person is feeling? I find it hard to believe that such strong and pure emotions can be felt by a man who has always been in company of non-mehram females, holding their hands, hugging them, talking to them, joking, and playing around with them. Same goes for the females too.

Allah prohibited intermingling of sexes and commanded women to do hijab and there is great great hikmah in it. Its not just about the unique feeling and excitement, but its about stable running of the family. Its about that promised love that Allah will put in hearts, about which He mentioned in the Quran:

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” (30:21)

Yes, indeed there are signs in this for those who reflect. Anything that is put by Allah in hearts is pure and long lasting. Anything that is put through movies and songs and other such filth is impure and fleeting.

And then there are the benefits of Niqab. Ah, how unfortunate are the people who don’t understand these benefits. A woman who adorns and beautifies herself ONLY for her husband. And then when they go out, people look at her but in vain; she is totally covered and safe from all eyes. This is something that pleases the husband to an immense level. Gheerah (Jealousy) of a man is a natural feeling, and the Prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasallam) called those men duyooth who do not feel any gheerah regarding their women folk; he stated that a duyooth shall not enter Jannah. This gheerah is there in every man, in the subconscious, but it often gets buried deep down because of the behavior and values dictated by the media and the society around him. Such injustice! When this gheerah is buried deep down, and a man does not feel this great honor that his woman adorns herself ONLY for him, then friction does appear in the marriage.

The fact is that Islam is nothing but a mercy and a spectacular way of life for human beings. It is Deen ul fitrah. If someone acts on its commands, that person will soon witness its fruits. The barakah that is put by Allah in relationships cannot be substituted by any material blessings of the world. May Allah fill with barakah the life of every person who is striving to act on the hudood of Allah, and may Allah keep the married couples happy and fill love and mercy in their hearts and keep them steadfast on his Deen. Ameen.

Broken hearts and picture frames

 Maraige

I feel like Professor Snape toiling with an essay on “Being Unbiased”. Not that I’m at a loss for what to write but because- it is complicated. To break love into categories, to stop loving someone when you’re already in it, fall out of love… draft 11 discarded, crumpled and all thoughts brushed aside.

It is simple really. It would be a fallacy to snort at love as a fool’s emotion. I do truly believe that at some point in your life, you will map out a new constellation in the sky. You will meet a person who will make you feel whole again. Who will make your world go bright and starry. The one person you would want to sit with on the patio all winter and drink coffee. When you can talk about anything and everything. Or maybe not talk at all, just being with them gets you through the day. Your outlet for crazy fears, wildest obsessions and nonsensical string of babble. Your impossible plans and initiatives, and this person will dream your dreams. When you actually get to sprinkle water at them to wake them for prayers. And night prayers will be ever more enchanting. You will have a skip in your step and a smile burning inside. Your fiercest loyalties will have a direction, your strongest of feelings, a rhyme and reason. You will feel an odd stillness when they are around. There is no guilt, no competition or even jealousy. Simple moments in life will become more special, and you will not deny yourself the pleasure of saying true things. You will feel emotionally secure. And this love in its raw form is so pure and true that it’s scary. That it will make you want to open up and give unconditionally. And this love doesn’t end at “till death do us part”. It will survive when the worlds collide and be raised again. It is truly magical. It will serve as a testimony and a cause for reunion in the afterlife.

And this is the Love that Allah has promised all those who keep themselves chaste and enter the covenant of marriage.

“And it is among His signs that He has created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquility in them, and He has created love and kindness between you. Surely in this there are signs for a people who reflect.” (Ar-Rum : 21)

If you read the preceding verses before the quoted one, you will see that amongst His signs of creation, resurrection, and executing everything to ultimate perfection, Allah (swt) has actually included marriage and matrimonial love as one of His signs too. Now you can only go as far as imagining the sheer magnitude and beauty of it. It must be truly Divine for He creates that love and instills it between the couples joined in matrimony. And anyone who spends a considerable amount of time reflecting on life’s finer points is expected to understand this. That the only wise time to invest yourself emotionally in someone is after marrying him/her. Anything done before its due time is premature and dies prematurely too. More like a tale of mind games and hollow promises of “staying together forever” sealed with a false sense of security. Jumping on the relationship bandwagon is akin to courting pain and heartbreak, for neither end is obligated to try or work things out when the going gets tough. Only marriage brings that kind of certainty with it.

And it is awful really. Watching people write their own stories of unrequited love. Because loving is more painful when it is one sided; when you secretly harbour feelings for a person and fall in love with the idea of being in love. Or really get into a relationship that leaves broken hearts and scars in its wake. Horrible, is it not? To place your heart in someone’s hands so they can mess it up and toy with it and walk out whenever. So the choice is ours to make. Build sandcastles in the air, watch fantasies fall like house of cards or save all that emotional energy and channel it the halal way, which is guaranteed to be rewarding in more ways than one. The question was never to suppress or shut your emotions. It is to tame them. It is to wait for the right time and right people. Emotional wisdom, I like to call it.

I also truly believe that at some point in your not-recommended relationship (hypothetical or real), you are left with a philosophically messed up state of mind that makes you post gloomy, abstract statuses and turns you into a sad poet or worse- a stalker. There is unquestionable wisdom behind all the dont’s in Islam. They save you from ruining yourself, yourself. Makes sense? Crossing the red line may be fun for forbidden fruits are tempting but the ride always comes with a price.

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“CHARGE!”, says the Devil, and we do!


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“It started out as a feeling,

Which then grew into a hope…

Which then turned into a quiet thought,

Which then turned into a quiet word…”

– Regina Spektor

With the advent of the free media and unchecked foreign movies flowing in, our senses are now quite desensitized to the free-mixing of both genders. When once, some ten years ago, talking to a guy (non-mehram) was considered somewhat taboo and an oddity, the same is now encouraged and has become the norm. We are educated now. We have broader minds. We are free.

It never had quite an outlined beginning. Eye contacts and a few conversations sufficed to establish friendly ground, not unlike the one that unguarded youth are wont to make. There was a friend request on a social network soon after, and thus began what seemed a harmless conversation. The messages had started going to and fro, until that fateful day when he said it.

He put it out loud and screaming between them, without a second thought.

Then again, better sooner than later. For only God knows, how long it would have dragged.

He said – that he harboured a ‘likeness’ for her.

It seems of little consequence, does it not? It was just a message conveying the feeling- a mere statement. Not something worth worrying over. Even laughable maybe? Brush it away, why don’t you? Yet, it came out as a battle cry. Shattering all illusions and blowing apart the curtains of naiveté.

Allah says in the Quran:

يَـٰنِسَآءَ ٱلنَّبِىِّ لَسۡتُنَّ ڪَأَحَدٍ۬ مِّنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِۚ إِنِ ٱتَّقَيۡتُنَّ فَلَا تَخۡضَعۡنَ بِٱلۡقَوۡلِ فَيَطۡمَعَ ٱلَّذِى (٣٢)فِى قَلۡبِهِۦ مَرَضٌ۬ وَقُلۡنَ قَوۡلاً۬ مَّعۡرُوفً۬ا

O wives of the Prophet, you are not like anyone among women. If you fear Allah, then do not be soft in speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should covet, but speak with appropriate speech. (Surah al-Ahzaab: 32)

Why? Why is it that we have to talk unnecessary? That small, secret smile that was for your eyes to see, that subtle speech you thought only you could feel the ‘depth’ of, the preference for you over any other talking companion… we all like that, don’t we? Only, we don’t realise how short-lived such crunchy bits of life are, and how endless the pain they leave behind.

It is a continuous battle that we fight against temptation, but with Allah’s help, none is too difficult. Yousuf (alaihis salam) had the toughest of them all, yet he emerged the victor with the Almighty’s will and help.

وَرَاوَدَتْهُ الَّتِيْ هُوَ فِيْ بَيْتِهَا عَنْ نَّفْسِهٖ وَغَلَّقَتِ الْاَبْوَابَ وَقَالَتْ هَيْتَ لَكَ  ۭ قَالَ مَعَاذَ اللّٰهِ اِنَّهٗ رَبِّيْٓ اَحْسَنَ مَثْوَايَ  ۭ اِنَّهٗ لَا يُفْلِحُ الظّٰلِمُوْن 23؀

وَلَقَدْ هَمَّتْ بِهٖ  ۚ وَهَمَّ بِهَا لَوْلَآ اَنْ رَّاٰ بُرْهَانَ رَبِّهٖ  ۭ كَذٰلِكَ لِنَصْرِفَ عَنْهُ السُّوْۗءَ وَالْفَحْشَاۗءَ  ۭ اِنَّهٗ مِنْ عِبَادِنَا الْمُخْلَصِيْن 24؀

 

And she, in whose house he was, sought to seduce him. She closed the doors and said, “Come, you.” He said, “[I seek] the refuge of Allah . Indeed, he is my master, who has made good my residence. Indeed, wrongdoers will not succeed.” And she certainly determined [to seduce] him, and he would have inclined to her had he not seen the proof of his Lord. And thus [it was] that We should avert from him evil and immorality. Indeed, he was of Our chosen servants. (Surah Yousuf: 23-24)

He tells us to not even go near zina. Do we even come close to understanding what that implies? If we did, we would be imparting our children some different lessons. We wouldn’t be pushing them to do things we know to be beyond the red line. Yet, with a single shake of the head, the nagging voice becomes a tiny wisp that floats away, and we do the deed. Think about it.

The Fantasy World

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By Fareed Ahmed

Drugs and Sex- these are the two thing playing havoc with the lives of the youth these day, all over the world.  Like most of us, my school and college life has been spent in liberal co-educational institutions.  I have witnessed numerous boys and girls deviating from decency, ethics and morality- all because of these two things.  Both these things are interlinked, but attraction towards the opposite gender currently appears to be the more threatening of the two.

In elite schools and colleges, friendships with the opposite gender, hangouts, and partying around with the opposite gender is the norm.  Chasing girls is a hobby amongst the boys in these educational institutions.  It’s not just a hobby, but it is something which defines ones status, image, popularity and competency.  The more girls around a guy, the more heroic he is considered.  The case with girls is not much different.  The more guys chasing a girl, the more stylish, modern and pretty she is perceived as.  These perceptions are fully endorsed by the entertainment media and fashion industry.  Thus peer pressure and common perception is making more and more people flirt, attract the opposite gender, have long night calls with that special him/her, go on dates, and even use drugs.

In my opinion, there are a very few people who are genuinely lovestruck; the rest seem to have just jumped on the bandwagon.  Even if the tendency is genuine, it may lead to disastrous consequences, if not curbed.  Numerous cases of suicide by lovestruck people are reported in the media daily.  Likewise, so many families have been broken due to extra-marital affairs, having a highly adverse impact on the kids.

Let us deeply analyse the matter.  Does being lovestruck make us happy or miserable?  Does having boyfriends and girlfriends really define who we are?  Is achieving them the real accomplishment or do we have a life beyond that?

Islam confines ones lustful feelings by giving guidelines about how to dress, and how to conduct oneself around the opposite gender.  The Quran narrates stories of previous nations and prophets to instil morality and self-control in us.  There’s no doubt that opposites do attract.  Islam channelizes this attraction through encouraging the institution of Nikah.

What if you are in love with someone and Nikah is not practically possible?

Scholars say that if someone is deeply in love with someone, firstly he/she should never let anyone know about it. The more he will let others know, the more deep he will fall into the love trench.

Secondly, he/she should try to de-fantasize by considering the negative points of that person, and focusing on his weaknesses.

Last but not the least, we need to focus on our spiritual growth, for a peaceful and dignified dunya and akhirah.

The writer can be reached at fareedahmad_1@hotmail.com

The Inseparable Two

By Umm ‘Aisha

Bismillah.

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Our beloved Prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Indeed Haya (modesty) and Iman (faith) are Companions. When one of them is lifted, the other leaves as well. (Baihaqi)

Haya and Iman- these two remain joined together like Siamese twins!

Today we see shameless and immodest acts being committed openly around us by ‘Muslims’ in ‘Islamic’ countries.  Is it a sign that the level of our Iman has decreased so much that Haya is vanishing away?

The important question is: “What does Iman or faith in Allah give us? And how does shamelessness take it away?”

Faith in Allah is something that makes us accountable to One Supreme Being;
it makes us conscious of being ‘watched’,
it strengthens our belief in the Day that is approaching,
it makes us fearful of standing in front of the Rabb of the worlds,
it gives us a goal- a goal that doesn’t just revolve around ‘wake-up, eat, drink, have fun, die- THE END’,
it makes us work for something Supreme.

To sum it up: It makes us slaves of The King who made us his inheritors of this earth.  It makes us yearn and strive to be rewarded with the most amazing award imaginable: to see Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala, to be in His Company, and to be His guests in Jannah.

Can someone with such a high aim afford to just play around all his life carelessly?  I believe not.

And this is where Haya comes in.  When you have such a high aim, such consciousness of Him, and such overwhelming thoughts about the One who owns you- you can’t dare do anything that displeases Him and takes you away from your goal.  When a Muslim realizes that his/her life is a struggle, not playful entertainment, it is then that Haya evolves and life truly begins.

Unfortunately, we appear to be living in a Dreamland where everyone is sleeping and chasing that ‘prince/princess’ of their dreams, without whom their life seems empty and worthless.

The essence of Iman has been lost, and the mission has been abandoned!

No one seems to know or care why Allah created them or what being a Muslim implies.  Had we understood the reality,  we would never have rushed behind a mirage hoping that it ends in marriage, that too in name of: ‘Half my Deen’!
In reality, how many of us have made marriage ‘all my Deen’ or ‘My only Deen’– the only thing we’re concerned about, our only aim in life!

Having said that, people may assume that I don’t regard marriage as an important part of Deen (Na’ozubillah). It’s not so!

I do believe in marriage being half of the Deen as mentioned in a famous Hadith.  I believe in marriage being a Halal way to satisfy one’s desires.  It is indeed a beautiful Sunnah that can’t be neglected.  But when you make it your center of life, the only thing you dream of, the only worry and concern that consumes you – then it does become a problem!

Having read and understood the aim of a Muslim above, understand the position of marriage by this example:

Suppose you are at a point X and you want to reach point Y, and you meet a person who also wants to reach point Y, and you feel that journey will become easier if you both started to travel together- so you both start to travel together.

So you see, that person is just a facilitator in the journey.  Just a buddy.  A means to the destination.  Not the destination.  Not the end.  And it’s not that without him/her, you can’t move ahead.  You can and must continue to travel to point Y with or without that person.

Similarly, you are here to LIVE YOUR PURPOSE.  While doing this, if you meet a person, whom you think, can assist you in living your purpose and make the journey of life smooth, you marry that person.  That’s marriage- a MEAN not an END.

Understanding this fundamental point can help to solve most of the “love affairs”, rather “lust affairs” insha Allah.

#Lovestruck – Did you know what YC is talking about these days?

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#Lovestruck… That’s the newest trending hashtag for the Youth Clubbers!

Before you say:
“But we are encouraged to love our parents, siblings, thy neighbour etc..”

Or

“But I love my car, my job etc…”

Allow us to clarify that the kind of love YouthClub is talking/tweeting/blogging/posting about is: the love that a man feels for a non-mehram woman and/or vice versa.

Loving your family, car etc. is in most cases instinctive and quite harmless, and may even be encouraged.  #Lovestruck is actually opening the debate on those raging hormones and the natural procreative instincts, which a lot of youth are expressing through the notion of having a girlfriend or a boyfriend.  Is this really the best way to deal with our desires? Does it really bring happiness inside?  Have we understood this feeling correctly?  Questions like these need to be discussed, especially in light of the onslaught of the media, which is re-defining for us what this feeling is.  A lot of people convincingly argue that the ‘love’ that men and women on campuses, in offices, in the market place or during parties have for each other is not actually love, but just ‘lust’.

Whatever you call it, Islam in its beautiful perfection has guided humankind as to the best way to control and channel all natural human instincts.

When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw a young man merely looking at a young woman, he turned his head so as to make him look away, then he said: “I saw a young man and a young woman, and I did not trust the Shaytaan not to tempt them.”

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (885) and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

The above hadith is profound because it tackles the issue from its very roots.  There is a plethora of social and psychological issues related to this boy-meets-girl, love-at-first-sight extravaganza that the youth need to talk about.

So, we hope that this campaign of ours (with your help!) makes some progress in tackling this all-important issue affecting society today.  Generating questions and a healthy discussion would eventually lead us towards learning how to channel these strong feelings and emotions in a Halal way.  After all, we are creatures of desires.  Those who choose to fulfill these desires in a way which pleases their Creator achieve true bliss– the bliss which always evades those who seek to overcome their desires in sleazy, guilt-ridden ways.

Do share your thoughts, opinions, comments, advice and articles on this fascinating human experience of being #Lovestruck.  Don’t forget to use the hashtag!

If you would like to have your article published on this theme on this blog, please email us at youthclubblog@gmail.com.