A candid guest post by newly-wed writer, Imratul Ozair.
“The whole notion of modern day lovveee is overrated, unrealistic and superficial!” declared the handsome new mehram in my life – my husband. I nodded in approval.
We, under an influence of media and peer pressure, have confined the idea of sincere love between opposite genders to: meeting once a while, shopping together, going on secret outings, spending the night chatting with him/her.
Once you are married to an incredibly loving and lovable spouse, once you have cherished the true physical, emotional and mental companionship with him/her, you realize that the actual definition of love is way beyond these trivial and stupid definitions that you had crafted before. You realize how shallow and fickle all the other manifestations of ‘love’ are.
Love lies in seeing your spouse genuinely smile for you; it is in the daily cooking and cleaning for your husband; it is in leaving your family to come over and stay with him; it is in the toil and effort he puts throughout the day to be able to make enough money for you; it is in the small gifts and surprises that he carefully plans for you joy; it is in knowing that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala is pleased with all this; it is in knowing that it is all pure and Halal.
As for having covert relations with the opposite sex- it is merely a deception. It is impure and Haram by its very nature. How many times in order to pursue such relations do we have to lie to our parents while going out, cheat our families about receiving their calls or while replying to their text messages? We can deceive our families but can we deceive the All Knowing – Al-Aleem? How many times do we have to put our own conscience to sleep before we can ‘enjoy’ such relations? Is it that in an attempt to deceive others, we ourselves are actually being deceived?
Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala has created everything for a reason and purpose; the attraction for the opposite gender is placed in us so that the next generation can be brought up. To rightfully fulfill this desire, He has created Nikah – a sacred union. He says:
“And it is among His signs that He has created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquility in them, and He has created love and affection between you. Surely, in this there are signs for a people who reflect.” (Ar-Rum : 21)
Man and woman have been created to be the natural counterparts of each other, they are natural companions. Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala has destined that they will find comfort and repose with one another via Nikah. How can we find the sukoon (tranquility) elsewhere, other than where Allah has placed it?
Read the ayah carefully again. It is in marrying that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala Himself places the love and affection amongst the spouses! While everything in any relationship other than Nikah is a sin; in Nikah, even when you smile or put on perfume for your spouse you get rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala!
Honestly, sisters, the only man who truly loves you is the one who honors you by giving you his name publicly in Nikah, who takes your responsibility and accepts you through the covenant of Allah, who saves you from sins by giving you his protection.
So, in order to find true love, honor and blessings, ditch all the boyfriend/girlfriend nonsense. Find a spouse, get married. Until then, stay patient, ace the test. Rest assured: Allah is watching!