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You’re dying to marry, but are you ready to marry?

You’re dying to marry, but are you ready to marry?


By Zaki Imtiaz

Do you know what is the most discussed matter among the Muslim youth these days?  At least, among those whom I know.  Yeah, you guessed it right: Marriage.  You say the word and you see these Colgate smiles on their faces.  Everybody wants to get married, don’t they?

Indeed, Nikah is an amazing blessing from Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala; it is a Halal way out for fulfilling our emotional and physical needs.  Muslims are advised in the Quran to lower their gaze, guard their chastity, and keep themselves away from all sorts of indecent acts.  The culture of Islam disciplines the society by encouraging marriage and by disapproving all relationships outside wedlock.

I have observed over the past couple of years that our educated youth are zealously reverting to these Islamic principles and values.  I’ve been teaching at a university, and whenever I interact with the youth, I find that they are motivated and ready to get married, wanting to keep themselves safe from the indecent and highly sexualized society around them.

I often advise them to take bold steps and talk to their parents about this issue and get married.  It’s better to have daal roti (a simple meal) prepared by your lovely wife in a single room apartment, which is filled with Iman (faith), instead of luxuries and unlawful relationships with nothing to claim in the hereafter.  However, these youngsters often do not have the guts to talk to their parents seriously, nor are they ready to compromise on their luxurious living and beauty standards.  The brothers continue to dream of a Hijabi Miss Universe, and the sisters continue to wait for their Prince Charming.

Most of the time, such brothers and sisters think that marriage is the solution to all their problems: their getting up late, their time mismanagement, loss of focus due to the fitnah (trials) posed by the society, untamed temper, bad relationship with parents and what not.

Let me bust this myth.  Marriage is not the solution to all your problems!  Write it down and paste it on your wall.  Marriage is not the solution, it can only facilitate some things for you.

Consider these scenarios:

“Oh Mom! Give me a break.  Don’t scold me all the time.  I’ll learn this stuff when I go to my next house.  Let me enjoy for now.” 

Remember what Allah says:

وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ

“And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy” (Surah al-Israa: 24)

“Dude, I just can’t seem to wake up for Fajr these days.  When my wife will come, she’ll wake me up inshaAllah!”

Fix YOURSELF because Allah says:

فَإِذَا جَاءَتِ الصَّاخَّةُ يَوْمَ يَفِرُّ الْمَرْءُ مِنْ أَخِيهِ وَأُمِّهِ وَأَبِيهِ وَصَاحِبَتِهِ وَبَنِيهِ

“Then, when there comes the second blowing of the Trumpet, that Day shall a man flee from his brother,  and from his mother and his father,  and from his wife and his children.” (Surah ‘Abasa: 33-36)

“Dad! I gotta dine out with friends.  Please give me some more money.”

If you can’t bear your own expenses, how will you bear those of your wife, who will be solely your responsibilty?

The affairs of marriage are not joke and play.  Nor is marriage a solution to all your discipline and personality issues.  If you are not willing to change and sacrifice, then no one can help you.

Here are some pointers to these youngsters who are over-zealous to get married soon, and are obsessed with this matter:

 1- First and foremost, you need to get your faith and deeds corrected.  If you yourself don’t pray, observe proper Islamic dress code, speak truth and be just, you should then least expect to have a pious spouse.

2- Learn how to respect your parents. If you are unable to respect them before marriage, you won’t be respecting them after it as well. Remember, your spouse and children will learn from you.

3- Talk to your parents about your intention for Nikah. Don’t just tell them but show them through your actions by acting wise and not childish all the time, by dealing with them respectfully and submitting to their their lawful demands.  Show them that you’re ready to say #QaboolHai (“I do”).

4- Get yourself financially stable.  At least, you should be able to support a couple of dresses for your wife for one season, her daily requirements, a separate room and three meals/day to stay healthy.

5- Begin with the end in mind.  Write down what kind of tarbiyyah (upbringing)you want your kids to be given.  If your potential spouse himself/herself fails to live up with these values, then there is no compatibility whatsoever.

6- Get yourself disciplined.  You need to throw your dirty clothes in the basket yourself, tidy your room, straighten your bed and be responsible for your own actions.

7- Last but definitely not the least, pray to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala to help you out.  Make dua especially in the last part of the night, after the obligatory prayers and beg Allah of His forgiveness and Mercy.  For all affairs are in the Allah’s Control, and he who is given Allah’s Mercy is indeed successful.

May Allah make our spouses and children the coolness of our eyes! Ameen.

12-6-2013 6-14-27 PM

The writer is a software engineer and can be contacted at


Top 7 things I like about Pakistani Weddings

Top 7 things I like about Pakistani Weddings

By Umm Ibrahim

Here are the top 7 reasons that make me smile at the start of the wedding season.  These are the things that make attending a wedding worthwhile.  Yes, they actually make all the preparation and dressing up in chiffon and georgettes (in chilly December nights) and the travelling worth it.

1- Nikah in the Masjid


There is something very serene about attending a Nikah in a Masjid. It makes you reflect on the sacredness of the bond and the beauty of the relationship.  Alhamdolillah, more and more young people are opting to tie the knot in the Masjid.

2- The awesome Khutbah


‘Awesome’ is the last word that I’d use for most of the Nikah khutbahs that I’ve heard.  But, then there is that rare Nikah khutbah which is enlightening and Iman-boosting at the same time.  Instead of some rehearsed mumbo-jumbo, it is real life advice that you can comprehend and apply.  It is a power-packed sermon that reminds you of your duties to Allah and to your fellow human beings.  You come back from such a wedding feeling that, for a change, your soul has had its wedding feast too, and not just your body.

3- The cute kids in ghararas, lehangas and three-piece suits


Don’t you just love them?  They are cuteness personified; and the way they pop out from underneath the tables is just adorable.  Any wedding is incomplete without the toddlers running around dressed up as little men and women.  Their spontaneity and innocence is actually refreshing in a surrounding where most of the adults appear to be fake: painted in make-up, plastering false smiles and visibly uncomfortable in ridiculous hair-dos and stiletto heels.

4- Bumping into a long-lost friend or acquaintance


It’s a small world, they say.  And a wedding is a perfect place to prove this true.  You are bound to run into that classmate you haven’t been in contact with since Grade 4.  Or that Aunty who was your neighbor 10 years ago.  If you’ve been invited from the bride’s side, this person will most probably be invited from the groom’s.  In most cases, these run-ins are very pleasant and nostalgic.  Old friendships get rekindled.  You catch up on everything, exchange phone numbers and marvel over the wonderful chance encounter.

5- The Rukhsati

We, Pakistanis, are very emotional beings.  Our family bonds are very strong.  Yet, paradoxically, we don’t openly express our love and affection for our families, except at the hour of rukhsati!  There is something so genuinely sentimental about a rukhsati that it can melt the heart of anyone present.  The beauty of the father-daughter, brother-sister, sister-sister and mother-daughter bonds are all beautifully portrayed in these few minutes.  Yes, seeing the rukhsati is worth the 5-hour wait!  (By the way, holding a Mushaf over the bride’s head at the time of Rukhsati is not from the Sunnah, nor is it reported to have any benefits.  So, brothers of brides, you can safely ditch this practice.)

 6- The Mehndi


No, I don’t mean the Mehndi functions.  I mean the Henna.  What a wonderful thing it is!  The colour, the smell, the designs!  I love to apply it on others’ hands (though my attempts often end up in a mess and fervent apologies on my part) and I absolutely love to get it applied on my hands.  After Eid, a wedding is the second-best excuse to apply Mehndi.  It also makes the memory of the event last for a good ten days.

7- The Food


Last but not the least, the delicious food. Isn’t this the reason why most people attend weddings in the first place? What can beat gajar ka halwa and kashmiri chai in the cold December nights?  Tantalizing, eh?

So, all hail the wedding season. Viva la wedding season!

Read “Top 7 things I dislike about Pakistani weddings” here:

#QaboolHai – Theme for the Marriage Season!

#QaboolHai – Theme for the Marriage Season!


Qabool Hai??
Qabool Hai!!

Winter is here, and so is the marriage season.  Nikah contracts are in the air!

For us at YouthClub, 2013 has been an extraordinarily beautiful year, with many of the YC brothers and sisters getting married! It sure is a promising prospect for the future of the Ummah when Dawah carriers, with noble ambitions and goals, say their “Qabool Hai” (“I do”) and settle down!

On the one hand, we have the pristine institute of marriage.  On the other hand, we have the non-stop onslaught of messages from advertisements, movies and social media, telling us to fall head over heels in love and have all the fun before marriage.  Even sex before marriage is now seeping into our society.

The propagandists of this agenda portray marriage as a drab ‘stuck-with-one-person-for-the-rest-of-your-life’ situation.  They fail to realize that every time they promote this way of thinking, they are slowly chipping away at the building block of any human civilization: the family!

Caught between a rock and a hard place are those single Muslims who are struggling to preserve their modesty and get married, in the face of unhealthy social and cultural practices.  How do you deal with a delayed marriage and ensuing social pressures?  What is the right way to find Mr. Right or Ms. Right?  How do you simplify things and tie the knot without creating a Bollywood extravaganza?

And after you get married, and the honeymoon ends and life starts, how do you keep the spark alive?  What are the tips and tricks to make your marriage a success?

This December, the Youth Clubbers, are utilizing their God-given talents to explore these questions, to find solutions, and to counter the unhealthy media onslaught by promoting the beautiful institution of marriage (all this while we also attend the Walimas and eat the biryanis)!

Let’s do this together! Let’s promote marriage for the beautiful Sunnah and amazing journey that it is.  Let’s curb this filthy and nonsensical trend of having boyfriends and girlfriends.  Be a part of our latest campaign.  Be the reason to encourage ‘halal love’.  Be a means to influence two amazing people getting together in Islamic matrimony and producing amazing Muslims for the next generation.

 Use the hashtag #QaboolHai in your articles, blogs, status updates, tweets and conversations at your campuses!  Enjoy the marriage season!

“Our Lord! Bestow on us from our spouses and children the coolness of our eyes, and make us leaders of the righteous.” (Surah al-Furqan: 74)


The Only Man Who Truly Loves You

The Only Man Who Truly Loves You

 muslim husband

A candid guest post by newly-wed writer, Imratul Ozair.

“The whole notion of modern day lovveee is overrated, unrealistic and superficial!” declared the handsome new mehram in my life – my husband.  I nodded in approval.

We, under an influence of media and peer pressure, have confined the idea of sincere love between opposite genders to: meeting once a while, shopping together, going on secret outings, spending the night chatting with him/her.

Once you are married to an incredibly loving and lovable spouse, once you have cherished the true physical, emotional and mental companionship with him/her, you realize that the actual definition of love is way beyond these trivial and stupid definitions that you had crafted before.  You realize how shallow and fickle all the other manifestations of ‘love’ are.

Love lies in seeing your spouse genuinely smile for you; it is in the daily cooking and cleaning for your husband; it is in leaving your family to come over and stay with him; it is in the toil and effort he puts throughout the day to be able to make enough money for you; it is in the small gifts and surprises that he carefully plans for you joy; it is in knowing that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala is pleased with all this; it is in knowing that it is all pure and Halal.

As for having covert relations with the opposite sex- it is merely a deception.  It is impure and Haram by its very nature.  How many times in order to pursue such relations do we have to lie to our parents while going out, cheat our families about receiving their calls or while replying to their text messages?  We can deceive our families but can we deceive the All Knowing – Al-Aleem?  How many times do we have to put our own conscience to sleep before we can ‘enjoy’ such relations?  Is it that in an attempt to deceive others, we ourselves are actually being deceived?

Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala has created everything for a reason and purpose; the attraction for the opposite gender is placed in us so that the next generation can be brought up.  To rightfully fulfill this desire, He has created Nikah – a sacred union.  He says:

“And it is among His signs that He has created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquility in them, and He has created love and affection between you.  Surely, in this there are signs for a people who reflect.” (Ar-Rum : 21)

Man and woman have been created to be the natural counterparts of each other, they are natural companions.  Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala has destined that they will find comfort and repose with one another via Nikah.  How can we find the sukoon (tranquility) elsewhere, other than where Allah has placed it?

Read the ayah carefully again.  It is in marrying that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala Himself places the love and affection amongst the spouses! While everything in any relationship other than Nikah is a sin; in Nikah, even when you smile or put on perfume for your spouse you get rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala!

Honestly, sisters, the only man who truly loves you is the one who honors you by giving you his name publicly in Nikah, who takes your responsibility and accepts you through the covenant of Allah, who saves you from sins by giving you his protection.

So, in order to find true love, honor and blessings, ditch all the boyfriend/girlfriend nonsense.  Find a spouse, get married.  Until then, stay patient, ace the test.  Rest assured: Allah is watching!

The Fantasy World

The Fantasy World


By Fareed Ahmed

Drugs and Sex- these are the two thing playing havoc with the lives of the youth these day, all over the world.  Like most of us, my school and college life has been spent in liberal co-educational institutions.  I have witnessed numerous boys and girls deviating from decency, ethics and morality- all because of these two things.  Both these things are interlinked, but attraction towards the opposite gender currently appears to be the more threatening of the two.

In elite schools and colleges, friendships with the opposite gender, hangouts, and partying around with the opposite gender is the norm.  Chasing girls is a hobby amongst the boys in these educational institutions.  It’s not just a hobby, but it is something which defines ones status, image, popularity and competency.  The more girls around a guy, the more heroic he is considered.  The case with girls is not much different.  The more guys chasing a girl, the more stylish, modern and pretty she is perceived as.  These perceptions are fully endorsed by the entertainment media and fashion industry.  Thus peer pressure and common perception is making more and more people flirt, attract the opposite gender, have long night calls with that special him/her, go on dates, and even use drugs.

In my opinion, there are a very few people who are genuinely lovestruck; the rest seem to have just jumped on the bandwagon.  Even if the tendency is genuine, it may lead to disastrous consequences, if not curbed.  Numerous cases of suicide by lovestruck people are reported in the media daily.  Likewise, so many families have been broken due to extra-marital affairs, having a highly adverse impact on the kids.

Let us deeply analyse the matter.  Does being lovestruck make us happy or miserable?  Does having boyfriends and girlfriends really define who we are?  Is achieving them the real accomplishment or do we have a life beyond that?

Islam confines ones lustful feelings by giving guidelines about how to dress, and how to conduct oneself around the opposite gender.  The Quran narrates stories of previous nations and prophets to instil morality and self-control in us.  There’s no doubt that opposites do attract.  Islam channelizes this attraction through encouraging the institution of Nikah.

What if you are in love with someone and Nikah is not practically possible?

Scholars say that if someone is deeply in love with someone, firstly he/she should never let anyone know about it. The more he will let others know, the more deep he will fall into the love trench.

Secondly, he/she should try to de-fantasize by considering the negative points of that person, and focusing on his weaknesses.

Last but not the least, we need to focus on our spiritual growth, for a peaceful and dignified dunya and akhirah.

The writer can be reached at

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