By Zaki Imtiaz
Do you know what is the most discussed matter among the Muslim youth these days? At least, among those whom I know. Yeah, you guessed it right: Marriage. You say the word and you see these Colgate smiles on their faces. Everybody wants to get married, don’t they?
Indeed, Nikah is an amazing blessing from Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala; it is a Halal way out for fulfilling our emotional and physical needs. Muslims are advised in the Quran to lower their gaze, guard their chastity, and keep themselves away from all sorts of indecent acts. The culture of Islam disciplines the society by encouraging marriage and by disapproving all relationships outside wedlock.
I have observed over the past couple of years that our educated youth are zealously reverting to these Islamic principles and values. I’ve been teaching at a university, and whenever I interact with the youth, I find that they are motivated and ready to get married, wanting to keep themselves safe from the indecent and highly sexualized society around them.
I often advise them to take bold steps and talk to their parents about this issue and get married. It’s better to have daal roti (a simple meal) prepared by your lovely wife in a single room apartment, which is filled with Iman (faith), instead of luxuries and unlawful relationships with nothing to claim in the hereafter. However, these youngsters often do not have the guts to talk to their parents seriously, nor are they ready to compromise on their luxurious living and beauty standards. The brothers continue to dream of a Hijabi Miss Universe, and the sisters continue to wait for their Prince Charming.
Most of the time, such brothers and sisters think that marriage is the solution to all their problems: their getting up late, their time mismanagement, loss of focus due to the fitnah (trials) posed by the society, untamed temper, bad relationship with parents and what not.
Let me bust this myth. Marriage is not the solution to all your problems! Write it down and paste it on your wall. Marriage is not the solution, it can only facilitate some things for you.
Consider these scenarios:
“Oh Mom! Give me a break. Don’t scold me all the time. I’ll learn this stuff when I go to my next house. Let me enjoy for now.”
Remember what Allah says:
وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ
“And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy” (Surah al-Israa: 24)
“Dude, I just can’t seem to wake up for Fajr these days. When my wife will come, she’ll wake me up inshaAllah!”
Fix YOURSELF because Allah says:
فَإِذَا جَاءَتِ الصَّاخَّةُ يَوْمَ يَفِرُّ الْمَرْءُ مِنْ أَخِيهِ وَأُمِّهِ وَأَبِيهِ وَصَاحِبَتِهِ وَبَنِيهِ
“Then, when there comes the second blowing of the Trumpet, that Day shall a man flee from his brother, and from his mother and his father, and from his wife and his children.” (Surah ‘Abasa: 33-36)
“Dad! I gotta dine out with friends. Please give me some more money.”
If you can’t bear your own expenses, how will you bear those of your wife, who will be solely your responsibilty?
The affairs of marriage are not joke and play. Nor is marriage a solution to all your discipline and personality issues. If you are not willing to change and sacrifice, then no one can help you.
Here are some pointers to these youngsters who are over-zealous to get married soon, and are obsessed with this matter:
1- First and foremost, you need to get your faith and deeds corrected. If you yourself don’t pray, observe proper Islamic dress code, speak truth and be just, you should then least expect to have a pious spouse.
2- Learn how to respect your parents. If you are unable to respect them before marriage, you won’t be respecting them after it as well. Remember, your spouse and children will learn from you.
3- Talk to your parents about your intention for Nikah. Don’t just tell them but show them through your actions by acting wise and not childish all the time, by dealing with them respectfully and submitting to their their lawful demands. Show them that you’re ready to say #QaboolHai (“I do”).
4- Get yourself financially stable. At least, you should be able to support a couple of dresses for your wife for one season, her daily requirements, a separate room and three meals/day to stay healthy.
5- Begin with the end in mind. Write down what kind of tarbiyyah (upbringing)you want your kids to be given. If your potential spouse himself/herself fails to live up with these values, then there is no compatibility whatsoever.
6- Get yourself disciplined. You need to throw your dirty clothes in the basket yourself, tidy your room, straighten your bed and be responsible for your own actions.
7- Last but definitely not the least, pray to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala to help you out. Make dua especially in the last part of the night, after the obligatory prayers and beg Allah of His forgiveness and Mercy. For all affairs are in the Allah’s Control, and he who is given Allah’s Mercy is indeed successful.
May Allah make our spouses and children the coolness of our eyes! Ameen.
The writer is a software engineer and can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org